


yesterday when you were young

by celaenos



Category: Girl Meets World
Genre: F/F, Friends to Lovers, Holiday Fic Exchange, Misses Clause Challenge, Yuletide 2015
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-25
Updated: 2015-12-25
Packaged: 2018-05-07 16:43:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,175
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5463719
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/celaenos/pseuds/celaenos
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Some things, when they change, never do return to the way they once were.</p>
            </blockquote>





	yesterday when you were young

**Author's Note:**

  * For [annemari](https://archiveofourown.org/users/annemari/gifts).



> happy yuletide!!!

When they were ten years old, Riley and Maya spent an entire summer playing _Two Truths and a Lie._ By the end of the summer, Maya could fool anyone. She would win game after game and her face would split into a grin, bright and wicked. Sometimes, she could fool even Riley.

Riley gave away her lie each time; bouncing on the balls of her feet, unable to contain her smile, giggling and giving herself away within seconds. But, she did get better at it. Withholding these seemingly small truths. Twisting her words into something false. Winning at a game of deceit.

Her father had spent that summer talking about Truth to them in his own ways. Offering up a lecture, or a quote here and there. Even before he was really their teacher, he could never quite help it; quoting everything from _Hamlet,_ to dead philosophers. Dr Seuss, to military interrogators. Truth seekers. For who knows lying better than those who seek the truth? Whatever truths you discover, whatever games are played, whatever promises are made or broken—though the world may crack and shift beneath you, you must know who you are. You must be a thing unmoved.

Maya pretended to ignore him, but Riley hung onto his every word.

Near the tail end of August, he caught Riley in a lie—a real one, no games involved—and grounded her. Riley cried in her bedroom, barred from seeing Maya for three whole days. Cory resolutely locked the bay window, then pulled Riley onto his lap and wiped away her tears. Silently, she made a (childish, hopeless) vow never to lie again, not ever. In hindsight it was such a small thing, she borrowed a few dollars from her mother’s purse to buy an ice cream. But at the time, Riley felt like she had betrayed Truth itself, and the ache of that went deeper than any locked window could reach.

Nearly four years later when Lucas blurts out, “Maya likes you!” flushing immediately, his panicked eyes darting to Maya. Riley has to stop herself from saying _duh, of course_ Maya likes her; they're best friends. Maya loves her. What a stupid and obvious thing for him to say. She looks over to Maya, expecting to see her roll her eyes and call Lucas Ranger Rick, instead, Maya looks more terrified than Riley has ever seen her before.

“Maya?” she asks, stepping towards her. Maya flinches away from her, and Riley swallows painfully. “What's going on?” Maya gives Lucas a glare that could cut straight through glass. But, instead of chewing him out for whatever is going on, she sucks in a deep breath and turns to Riley. “Maya?” Riley says, “you can tell me anything.”

“I know,” Maya answers, but it doesn't sound like she means it.

“Maya,” Lucas whispers, his voice scrapped raw, “I'm sorry. I didn't mean to...”

Riley watches Maya reach behind her and take Lucas' hand without looking. She tries not to look uncomfortable. She wants both of them to be happy. They're allowed to be happy together, no matter what Farkle blurted out to everyone on New Year's Eve. But, neither of them look particularly happy at the moment. Riley frowns.

“It'll be okay,” Lucas says with determination, squeezing Maya's hand. “Just tell her what you told me.”

“Maya?” Riley asks, “what is he talking about? Tell me what?”

Maya swallows, and finally meets Riley's eye. “He's talking about me. You think that I like Lucas, but I don't. I don't think I like boys that way Riley,” she pauses, then adds softly, “I like girls.” She smiles to herself, letting out a small laugh. The tension in her shoulders sags, and she looks more relieved than Riley has seen her in months. Riley smiles back at her immediately, reaching out with her hand. But Maya clenches her fist, pulling back from Riley. “I like a specific girl right now actually,” she says, her eyes darting down to the floor. “You,” she whispers, so quietly that Riley can barely hear her. When Maya finally opens her eyes and looks back up to Riley, she can see tears welling up in Maya's eyes. “I like you Riley. I think I have for a really long time. Always maybe.”

The world moves.

…

…

Adolescence hits Riley like a truck; she peels herself off the ground, staggers back up to her feet, and finds her body is a different shape. And everything hurts.

The worst part of it all, is that nothing looks different. Not right away. On the morning of her thirteenth birthday, Riley is up before the sun. Staring at herself in the mirror. She strips all the way down to nothing, inspecting every inch of her body for changes. She doesn't find a single one, but something inside of her feels different all the same.

Hours later, when Maya crawls through her window, Riley is back in her pjs, still staring at her own reflection. Maya pushes a thick piece of paper into Riley's hands and crouches down beside her. “Happy birthday,” she whispers.

“Did you feel different right away when you turned thirteen?”

Maya scrunches up her nose. “No. I thought I would. But I still just felt like me,” she looks at Riley in the mirror instead of turning her body towards her. “Do you feel different?”

Riley looks down at a sketch of herself resting on her lap. Maya has drawn her all in gold. Like she's part of the sun. Riley smiles down at it before kissing Maya's cheek. “I feel like me, but more.”

The moreness that she feels becomes apparent about a month later. Riley wakes up and is suddenly taller. Her whole body has sprouted out, taking up space that never belonged to her before. She's got bruises all over her legs from bumping into things. At first, she slouches. Hunching over, trying to fit herself into Maya's height. Constantly apologizing when she knocks things over, feeling coltish and gangly. Even more awkward than she had before.

“Possibly, my entire body is broken,” Riley says, from the floor.

Maya lifts her head up from her hands and looks down at her. “Possibly,” she agrees calmly. Riley groans and flops her arms and legs around a bit more for effect. Maya waits at least a full minute before getting up and helping her. “Fell again did ya honey?”

Riley nods miserably into the pavement, and Maya hauls her upwards. Riley's got dirt on her nose, a couple of smudges on her pants, and a pout on her face. Maya smiles at her, fixes her hair, and loops their arms together. “Lucas didn't see, did he?” Riley whispers in a panic.

Maya turns her head to check. “Nah,” she says, rather unconvincingly, before turning back to Riley. “Huckleberry wasn't paying attention.”

“Why _not?_ ” Riley asks, affronted.

Maya rolls her eyes. “Alright then, he never took his eyes off you. Saw the whole embarrassing thing.”

“Oh nooo,” Riley moans.

Maya sighs. Riley knows that she's being ridiculous. She doesn't seem to be able to help it. Apparently, being thirteen makes a person crazy.

Farkle walks up to them, Lucas and Zay not far behind. “Are we getting ice cream?” he asks.

“Yes!” Maya agrees, more enthusiastically than Riley has ever seen her get over ice cream before. “Ice cream Riles!” she nudges her shoulder against Riley's. “You _love_ ice cream.”

“I do,” Riley says with a grin.

She listens to her friends absently while they wait in line. Zay and Maya tease Lucas about something. Riley jumps in with Farkle on instinct to defend him, not really knowing from what.

When they settle down with their ice creams, Riley forces herself to pay attention. She focuses so much on Lucas, that her ice cream starts to melt all over her hands. She cleans it up hurriedly, hoping he doesn't notice. When she looks over at Maya, Riley grins. Her fingers are twitching in her lap. Her ice cream already devoured. Not listening to any of them. She's staring off past Riley, out the window. Riley turns around. The sun is beginning to set; Maya's fingers itch for some paper. Riley turns back and starts digging into her backpack, finding a notebook. She presses some paper into Maya's hands. Maya finally looks up, surprised, and Riley smiles at her, giving her a pencil. She doesn't say a word. Neither does Maya.

But she does smile before leaning down and starting to sketch. She doesn't even get mad when Riley leans over to watch and drips ice cream on the paper.

…

…

Riley watches Maya's face as she walks away from Lucas, and something twists deep inside of her gut. Every instinct is screaming for her to follow Maya, until Lucas asks her to stay and watch him perform. Riley looks back at Maya once, her whole body thrumming with something she can't seem to name. She turns and follows Lucas instead.

She climbs up on the fence, gripping the top of it so tightly that she gets small splinters in her fingers. Lucas holds on. So does Riley.

When he's thrown from the bull, Riley flings herself ungracefully over the fence and sprints towards him. Panic and guilt deep in her bones. _She_ made him do this. Maya helped, but it was _her_ idea. Her fault. Lucas groans and tries for a smile. When he jokes with her and she knows he's alright, Riley finally sighs with relief.

Her eyes look for Maya.

She's standing; her body tense, full of panic. Eyes locked on Lucas. And the thrumming fills up Riley's body once more. She closes her eyes as tight as she can and wishes that they could all just go back to being twelve. That she could shrink back down to be the same size as Maya. That nothing ever changes. Being thirteen is not what she hoped it would be. Sometimes she feels like she’s stumbled onto a whole secret world that she doesn’t understand. When she stares at herself in the mirror she can’t decide who she is, or what she wants. She feels like she doesn't know anything except that she wants things to stop changing around her so quickly.

But, no matter how hard she wishes, Riley just keeps on getting taller.

…

…

Riley watches Maya and Lucas go on awkward dates. They keep their gazes resolutely facing forward and never touch each other. She goes to the movies with Charlie and tries not to flinch when he reaches out to hold her hand. She avoids Farkle's knowing looks and warnings that he is going to tell everyone how she feels. She's not sure how he's figured it out; she has almost no idea what she's feeling herself, apart from confused and unhappy.

She pulls Maya's face towards hers, mimicking her almost kiss with Lucas. She's had her face this close to Maya's before. She's sure of it. But, she's never noticed Maya's breathing stop like this before. Never paid attention to how blue her eyes are, or how much they dart back and forth, confused and unsure. Riley pulls away and cups her chin in her hands. “It's a good move,” she says. Her voice sounds weird and a little too thick, but it's steady at least.

“I didn't hate it,” Maya says. Her voice sounds far less steady than Riley's. Riley hates this. She reaches out and grabs the ketchup bottle and dumps a glop of it into her mac and cheese. Maya gags, then sighs as she turns back to her own bowl. The weird tension in the room _almost_ evaporates.

The clock strikes twelve and Farkle yells out to everyone that Riley still likes Lucas.

She feels Maya and Lucas' eyes on her as everyone rushes to leave the rooftop. Unsure of what else to do, Riley just moves over and sits down on the bench. She feels Maya follow her, but she doesn't sit next to Riley. Instead, Lucas settles himself down silently in between them.

The cold air whips Riley's hair around, tangling it in her lip gloss. The silence is overwhelming. Riley just wants things to go back to normal. “I don't,” her voice cracks. Lucas and Maya both turn their heads towards her at the same time. “I mean, I do. But... I don't.”

“What?” Lucas asks.

“I don't know if I like you,” Riley says. Because it's the truth. “I do like you,” she adds. Because she somehow feels brave. “I don't want to date you,” she says, as softly as she can. Maya and Lucas are both silent as she rises from the bench and stands above them. “Two truths and a lie,” she whispers, then turns and leaves them both.

She is not a thing unmoved; she's wobbly all over.

…

…

Maya and Lucas start hanging out with each other more than ever. The awkwardness that always radiated off of them disappears, and they are physical with each other in a way that they never were before. Riley catches them hugging, giving each other shoulder bumps, sitting together without a foot of space between them, but they still never reach out to hold hands. They don't act like a couple. They act like two people finally comfortable with each other. Riley still feels left out no matter how hard she tries not to.

Lucas tries to talk to her a few days after New Year's Eve, but when she straightens up and looks him dead in the eye, doesn't stammer, doesn't fidget, doesn't act embarrassed or shy in the least, he blanches. Riley doesn't say a single word, and somehow, she feels powerful for it.

“All three were the truth?” Lucas asks. “Or... all three were kind of the truth?”

She sucks in a breath and remains standing straight. “Yes. All three were kind of the truth. But one of them was more of a lie.”

He frowns slightly. “That doesn't make a lot of sense.”

“I know,” she says sadly.

“Riley...” Lucas begins. Then he presses his lips tightly together, as if keeping whatever was about to spill out of him inside. “I don't want us to stop being friends,” he admits.

“Neither do I.”

“Okay,” Lucas nods, not seeming very satisfied. Riley doesn't think she is either, but it's _something._

“Okay,” she echoes.

…

…

Riley stops slouching to hide how tall she is, and now that she’s claimed her full posture, her chin usually tilts up, so that she seems to be considering the blue sky or the cracks in the hallway ceilings. She still bumps into things occasionally, but she feels less coltish, more sure of herself and her own two feet.

She hasn't forgiven Farkle for telling everyone her feelings. No matter how much he insists that he did the right thing. He thinks that he did, but it wasn't his secret to tell. Even if he was doing it for the right reasons.

Maya hasn't crawled through the bay window since New Year's Eve. They still spend the majority of their time together, but it's full of tense silences; quiet in that heavy way that is louder than talking.

Riley's heart feels too big for her chest. She wonders how it's possible that she can miss someone when she's with them. Maya can't seem to bring herself to look Riley in the eye. Each time she accidentally does, her gaze darts away as if she's been scalded; as if looking at Riley brings her pain. Riley feels like someone is pinching her relentlessly in the same spot, over and over each time that it happens. Normally, if Maya choses to speak to you, she looks you straight in the eye, even if you are her elder or better. She does as she pleases, without stopping to deliberate what the consequences might be. Riley didn't realize how much it made her feel loved and special, that Maya chose Riley. That someone who outwardly dislikes so many, chose Riley above them all.

But she's too scared of losing Maya further to say anything about it. So, she stands tall and silent as the world moves all around her.

…

…

“Riley,” Maya gasps, “please... say something.”

“You... like girls. You like  _me?”_ Riley sputters as her hands clench into fists. She shakes her head, thick hair whipping back and forth. “Why wouldn't you tell me? I'm your best friend Maya! We tell each other everything! How could you not tell me this huge part of you?”

Maya's crying now, or maybe she already was, Riley suddenly can't remember. All she knows is that everything feels _wrong._ Maya is in pain because of something Riley did, or didn't do. She doesn't know anymore. Everything just feels confusing and too big. She never thought life would be this complicated. She never thought that the one thing she was sure of: her friendship with Maya, would be something that could change.

“I was scared,” Maya whispers; her voice sounds small enough to fit in the palm of her hand.

Maya has never once seemed small to Riley before. She's never thought of Maya as someone who could be fragile. She's tiny, but she is the fiercest person that Riley's ever known. Nothing scares Maya. Nothing, except—

“Of me?” Riley gasps.

“I'm sorry.” Before Riley can say another word, Maya turns on her heels and runs.

Riley starts to charge after her, but Lucas wraps his arms around her waist and holds her back. “Give her some space.”

Riley whips around and gives Lucas what feels like an impressive glare. The effect is ruined somewhat by her tears and trembling lips. “Let go of me,” she pleads. “I have to go talk to her.”

“What are you going to say?” his grip on her loosens, but doesn't disappear. “Because if you're going to keep yelling at her, then you can't yet.”

“What!” Riley snaps. “I wasn't _yelling at her_. I was—she didn't tell me! She was scared _of me._ How could she be scared of _me?”_ Riley feels the fervency of the situation. She _has_ to get to Maya. _Now._ “How long have you known?” Riley asks.

“She told me after you left on New Year's Eve.”

“That was weeks ago. How could she trust you and not me?”

Lucas shakes his head, looking disappointed with Riley. It's not something that she's used to coming from him, and she slackens in his grip. “It wasn't about trusting you Riley. It's not actually about you. It's about Maya.”

“I have to go talk to her Lucas,” Riley insists. “Please let go of me.” The minute Lucas removes his grip, Riley takes off running.

She makes it to Maya's apartment in record time. She's always been exceptionally terrible at climbing up Maya's fire escape. She hates heights and she's far too clumsy to mange it most days. But Riley is a particular brand of determined right now, and she makes it to Maya's window after twenty petrifying minutes. Only three scrapes to show for her efforts.

“Maya,” Riley calls, her fingers gripping the window frame in a tight panic. “Let me in!” Riley watches Maya wipe a tear away and yank the window open without looking at her. Riley can't stand it. She falls ungracefully into the room and latches herself around Maya's frame, hugging her tightly. “We are best friends Maya,” she says as fiercely as she knows how. “ _Nothing_ will ever change that. You can tell me _anything._ I'll never get mad, and I'll never leave you alone,” she shifts her head, clutching onto Maya even though the position from falling out of the window is incredibly uncomfortable.

“I know,” Maya whispers.

“But you were scared of me.”

“Yeah.”

Riley shifts again, sitting next to Maya and interlacing their fingers together instead. Their rings knock against each other. “Ring power,” she whispers back.

“It wasn't really you,” Maya explains. “It was but it wasn't. I don't know how to explain it any better Riles, I'm sorry.”

“It's okay,” Riley insists. “So... are you a lesbian? Or bisexual? Or... I don't know all of the terms.”

Maya shrugs. “I don't know. I just know that I don't think I like boys as much as I like girls. Maybe I don't like them at all. I thought I _did_ like Lucas, but...” she trails off, unable to finish.

Riley is _not_ going to let Maya feel bad about herself. Not ever. “We're gonna buy so many rainbow things!” she declares excitedly. “Rainbow t-shirts, and skirts, and bracelets, and,” she gasps, “rainbow candy!” she bumps her shoulder against Maya's. “It's going to be _awesome_.”

Maya starts laughing and Riley's heart soars. But it doesn't last long enough, fear prickles into Maya's eyes. “Riley...”

“You like me?” she asks, cutting Maya off without meaning to.

Maya's eyes go wide. “No, it'll go away,” she insists quickly. “It was... I mean I probably don't even actually like you. I've been thinking, and maybe I just _thought_ I did.”

“But, you said...” Riley starts in confusion. Maya cuts her off.

“I think I picked you cause it was safe or something. Like, that's how I realized I like girls. Cause I already loved you as my best friend. But, I don't actually like you. Not really. It'll go away. We're best friends. Like you said.”

“But, Maya—”

“It'll go away and everything will be fine. Totally back to normal.”

Riley starts to argue, but at the look of panic in Maya's eyes, she closes her mouth. She doesn't think that things are going to go back to normal. Riley doesn't think that _normal_ is even a thing. Her dad has always told her that change is inevitable. It's a part of life. Growing up. There's no escaping it. Maya waits, fidgeting with the ring on her finger. Riley realizes that she doesn’t know Maya as well as she thought she did. Or rather, she knew parts of her and assumed that it was all of her. But it wasn't. There are parts of herself that Maya kept Riley from. She doesn't want that to ever be true again.

“If I wear a rainbow dress tomorrow will you laugh at me?” she asks, pushing a grin onto her face that doesn't feel as natural as she wants it too. It works all the same. A tiny, genuine smile etches onto Maya's face.

“Probably,” she says, her grin growing a little. “But I won't make fun of you for it. At least, not a lot.”

“Sounds good,” Riley wraps her arm around Maya's shoulder. She can feel Maya flinch and hesitate before sliding comfortably against her side. Riley swallows hard.

Some things, when they change, never do return to the way they once were.

…

…

The rainbow dress is a huge success.

Riley stands up tall and holds Maya's hand in _Topanga's_ as she tells Katy, and Riley's family that she's gay. Lucas stands pressed right up against Maya's other side, his fingers interlaced with her other hand, the both of them glaring at the adults and daring them to react poorly. Riley thinks that together, they make a great protective detail. They could be spies. Or save the president if they wanted. Zay and Farkle hover beside them, silently supporting Maya until Zay cracks a joke to break the tension.

Maya explained that morning that she just wants to get it over with. However her mother is going to react, she just wants her to know and stop worrying about it.

Katy laughs and wraps Maya up in a hug, pulling her out of Riley and Lucas' grasp. “Honey, I know. Well, I didn't _know,_ know. But I had a feeling.”

“Really?” Maya asks, shocked. Katy nods, rocking Maya a little unconsciously. “Well, why didn't you tell me?” Maya says, “I was super confused.”

Riley hears her mother laugh and watches proudly as Topanga bends down and kisses Maya's cheek. “Mothers have to let children figure some things out for themselves sweetie.”

“ _You_ knew?” Maya gasps.

“No, but I'm very honored that you told me.”

“Riley?” Cory asks, “is there something _you'd_ like to tell us?” he waves at Riley's outfit. Maya stiffens in her mother's arms.

Riley tries not to be affected by that. Instead, she grins wide and spins, her dress billowing out. “I'm dressed in solidarity. Plus, I love rainbows.”

The tension in Maya's face only relaxes a fraction. Riley twirls again and tries not to fall.

…

…

Knowing that Maya likes her is different from knowing that Lucas likes her. Or, it isn't any different at all.

Knowing that Lucas likes her makes Riley think about holding his hand, and going on dates with him, and kissing him.

Knowing that Maya likes her makes Riley think about the same things. She watches Maya in class and wonders what her lips would feel like. She knows what Maya's hand feels like in her own, but there's suddenly another layer to it that wasn't there before. She spends Math imagining what an entire date with Maya would be like and doesn't take a single note.

Riley becomes as awkward with Maya as she can be with Lucas. Maya brushes a chunk of Riley's hair out of her face so it doesn't get covered in purple paint, and Riley jumps, nearly falling off her stool and giggles like a maniac. Maya looks like she might throw up and Riley tries to upright herself. “You tickled me,” she explains.

“Right, sorry,” Maya doesn't look convinced.

“You've still got paint on your face,” Lucas says, reaching over to move Riley's hair again. This time, Riley does actually fall over. Her whole face red and unable to stop giggling. The whole class looks at her like she's nuts, which isn't anything new. But the pained look on Maya's face is.

…

…

The weather finally warms up enough that flowers start blooming, and Lucas kisses her.

It comes out of nowhere. Riley is still constantly thinking about Maya. Paying attention to her almost every move. Hyper aware of any physical interaction between the two of them, and if it makes Maya uncomfortable or not. The more she thinks about it, the more everything affects her. Maya slips their hands together, like normal, and Riley gets butterflies in her stomach. She has no idea what is going on in her brain. If she's just thinking about this because she knows that Maya likes her, or if she is thinking about it because she actually likes Maya back. But then Lucas hugs her and she blushes violently and giggles, slack in his arms. She doesn't act like an idiot when Farkle or Zay hug her. But if either Lucas or Maya look her in the eye and touch her shoulder, a noise that might be a laugh, but might also be a cat dying, slips out of Riley's mouth. She can't think around either of them anymore.

And then Lucas kisses her.

Riley has no warning for it. They're walking to _Topanga's_ together to meet everyone else. They had to stay a little later to get some supplies for their social studies project. Riley pushes the button for the crosswalk and spins around the lamppost. She's babbling about something, extra glitter for their project, nothing important. But when she swivels around a second time, Lucas is grinning at her. Riley grins back on instinct, and then suddenly, Lucas bends down and kisses her.

The light blinks for them to start walking. Lucas smiles at her hesitantly, and holds out his hand. “Riley?”

Everything about this moment feels almost perfect. A year ago, Riley would be vibrating with happiness. A huge goofy grin would be splitting out onto her blushing face. This is what she wanted, but she’s all confused anyway.

The light starts counting down, they've only got ten seconds. Riley runs past Lucas' outstretched hand, almost tripping on her still too tall legs, and makes it to the other side of the curb with one second to spare. Lucas is huffing right behind her, she can hear him starting to laugh, and she joins in with him as they catch their breath.

When they settle down, Riley can see Lucas gearing himself up to try and kiss her again, and she panics. She takes off and sprints down the street, only stopping once she reaches her mother's coffeehouse. The first person that she sees is Maya, and something inside of her clenches. Lucas isn't insensitive enough to bring up the kiss in front of her, but Riley feels guilty all the same.

She slips inside quietly, Lucas on her heels. Farkle and Maya are deep in conversation. Zay is sitting upside down on the couch beside Maya, interjecting occasionally. Riley is about to walk over and plop herself down beside Farkle when she hears Maya say, “Well, she's pretty. And not _totally annoying_ , but I don't know if I like her enough to go on a date with her.”

Riley freezes in place. Lucas bumps into her and grunts, alerting everyone to their presence. All Riley can do is stare at Maya as Lucas walks past her, looking a little confused. “Hi,” Riley croaks, giving everyone a jerky wave before lowering down into her own chair. Maya and Farkle both watch her with unusual intensity. “Who's Maya dating?” Riley asks. She doesn’t know why her voice is sharp, why she tenses up, but it is and she does.

“I'm not,” Maya sputters.

“Anna Gregson,” Farkle answers.

“She's hot,” Zay adds. “I say go for it.”

“Anna Gregson? Isn't she in high school?” Lucas asks.

“She's a year older than us,” Farkle says with a nod. “She's very nice. I think Maya would like her.”

Maya still hasn't said anything else. She's watching Riley. So is Zay, his eyes narrowing at her upside down. Riley's throat feels like it's closing up. “We got lots of glitter!” she announces, her voice far too loud. Half of the coffeehouse turns and looks at her. Riley clenches the tube too tightly, and glitter spills out all over herself and the chair. She hears Katy's exasperated sigh from across the room. “I'll clean it up!” she promises, and crouches to the floor. Maya and Lucas both bend down at the same time to help her. All three of their hands scoop up the pink glitter, and they brush against each other. Riley squawks and jumps up, the glitter in her hair shaking everywhere. Maya and Lucas both look up at her, matching expressions of hurt and confusion on their faces. “I'm going to go get a towel,” Riley mumbles, and runs towards the bathroom. She can feel their eyes on her back. Tears well up in her eyes, and she leaves a trail of bright pink glitter as she goes.

 _ _Fourteen__ , her heart hums, __I am only fourteen__.

…

…

Riley's been taller than her mother for almost two years, but she still crawls over and positions herself on Topanga's lap when she gets home. Thankfully, all her mother does is smile and pull her closer, not tell her to get off.

“Did you always know you loved Dad?” she asks softly. “Or was there ever anybody else who you thought you could love?”

Topanga takes a breath and brushes some of Riley's hair out of her face. “There was someone else who, for a brief moment I wondered about.”

“Really?”

Topanga nods. Riley crunches her face up against her mother's neck. “I think maybe I don't like who I thought I liked,” she mumbles. Her mother rubs light circles on her back and hums. “I thought I liked Lucas for almost two years, and he kissed me today. But, I didn't... it didn't make me feel how I thought it would.”

“How did it make you feel?”

“Guilty.”

“What would you have to feel guilty about?”

“Because when he kissed me, I wasn't thinking about him. I was thinking about what kissing Maya would feel like.”

“Ah,” Topanga says softly. “Being curious is perfectly natural Riley.”

“Mom,” Riley sits up in Topanga's lap. “There's... when Maya came out, there was a little stuff that she only told us. She already liked someone. She liked me.”

“Oh,” Topanga hums.

“I've... been thinking about it a lot. And I think maybe I like her back. Farkle was trying to get her to go on a date with some girl today, and I got _way_ more jealous than I ever felt thinking about another girl dating Lucas.”

Topanga shuffles Riley a little on her lap and looks at her seriously. “You're only fourteen Riley. You're about to graduate from middle school. You don't have to be absolutely sure of what you feel or what you want. It's okay to be confused, and it's okay to end up changing your mind about yourself. But, if what you think you feel is that you want to be with Maya, then I think that's wonderful.”

“Really?”

Topanga nods. “But, if you're trying to convince yourself of this because you don't want to lose your friendship, or you want to make Maya happy, then it's the wrong thing to do. One of your best qualities is your big heart, but you can't just give up yourself for other people. Even your best friend. It wouldn't be fair to either of you.”

Riley curls back into her mother silently. Topanga patiently waits while Riley considers her advice. “How did you know?” Riley finally asks her. “That you loved Dad and not the other guy?”

Riley can feel Topanga's smile. “He was my best friend. I couldn't imagine loving anyone else the way I loved him. I'd loved him my whole life. When I stopped thinking about it too hard, it just made sense. Loving him felt natural.”

“I've been eavesdropping,” Cory says from behind them. “But mostly because I wanted to get a glass of milk for Auggie.” He comes around the chair and beams down at them both. “I agree,” he says to Topanga before bending down and kissing her lightly.

“But...” Riley sits back up. “What if... what if Uncle Shawn was gay? And he told you that he was in love with you? You were best friends before Mom, weren't you?”

“I have two best friends,” Cory argues as he opens the refrigerator. “Shawn and Topanga.”

“But, if he was—you guys love each other anyway—would you have married Uncle Shawn instead?”

“Nope,” Cory closes the fridge. “And I'll tell ya why,” he pours a large glass of milk and places the carton back inside the fridge while Topanga rolls her eyes. Clearly aware of what his answer will be. “Our kids would have looked like horses,” he turns and contemplates Riley for a moment. “You and Maya would make very beautiful babies,” he says with a smile. It turns into a frown very quickly. “Lucas is a handsome little devil whose future children will probably be beautiful little spawn, but we aren't ever going to discuss that possibility. At least not until you're forty. Come to think of it, not till your forty with Maya either. This is a terrible conversation.” With that, he runs to find Auggie. Topanga rolls her eyes one more time, then gives Riley a final hug before gently pushing her off of her lap.

“Figuring out your love life isn't an excuse not to do your homework,” she says, kissing Riley's cheek and placing a math book in her hands. “Dinner's in half an hour.”

…

…

“Maya,” Riley says, far too close and causing Maya to jump out of her skin and drop her textbooks.

“Geez Riles, lurk much?” Maya asks, bending to collect her things. Riley would reach down and help her, but she's bouncing on her feet, her hands shaking with nerves. She'd only drop them again. “What's up with you?” Maya asks, once she gets a good look at Riley.

“I've had an ephemy.”

“It's epiphany,” Maya corrects her.

“Unimportant,” Riley bounces too much. The school hallway isn't where she wants to do this, but she can't wait any longer. She's already talked to Lucas; he was a little disappointed, but he promised that he would never stop being Riley's friend. She made him pinky swear. Maya looks at Riley funny, but she just waits for Riley to continue. “Um, can we...” Riley looks over Maya's head and sees that her father's classroom is currently empty. She pushes Maya backwards and closes the door once they're inside.

“What's going on?” Maya asks.

Riley takes a deep breath, and smiles at Maya. “Will you go on a date with me tomorrow?” She had been expecting, at the very least, a smile from Maya. But she hadn't been expecting anger.

“ _What?”_ Maya snaps.

Riley blanches a little. “A date,” she repeats. “I've got it all planned. Your mom helped with some of it! It's going to be—”

“You got my mom involved in this?” Maya hisses, cutting Riley off.

“I—” Riley sputters, “—are you mad? I thought this was what you wanted?”

Maya's entire face goes red. Riley flinches, expecting Maya to start yelling. Instead, she swallows, clenches her fists, and her voice is eerily calm. It's much scarier than if she were yelling. “No. This is not what I wanted.”

“But, Maya... I thought...” Riley's suddenly shaking with something that isn't excited nerves. “You're my best friend. Our kids won't look like horses, they'll look like unicorns!” she declares happily. Maya looks completely confused. Riley presses on quickly. “You're my favorite person in the whole world. Ever since you told me that you like girls, that you like _me,_ I haven't been able to stop thinking about it. I don't know if I'm a lesbian, or if I'm bisexual, or something else. I just know that when Lucas kissed me the other day, I thought about kissing you, not him. I've _been_ thinking about it for months. I'm sorry it took me a little longer to get there, but...” Riley swallows hard, “I really want this Maya. Do you still feel the same way?”

Maya stares at Riley, her face not giving away anything. Then, she finally says, “I want to believe you, but I think you're just doing this because you think I want it.”

“Maya, I'm _not—_ ”

“Riley,” Maya croaks. Riley can't stand it, she moves forward and wraps herself around Maya, hugging her as she catches her breath. Maya hugs her back instinctively before she hesitates, her arms hanging awkwardly for a moment before she reciprocates again. “Two truths and a lie?” Maya asks, her voice a quiet wobble.

Riley straightens up immediately, grinning at Maya. “I hate ice cream,” she declares, not even trying to make it sound like a truth. “Maya Hart is my best friend,” she beams. “I'm starting to fall in love with my best friend,” she ends with, surprising even herself a little. Maya just _stares_ up at her, shock and elation written all over her face. Riley feels braver than ever before, because Maya is looking at her like she's someone incredibly important. There's a moment, just a sloppy second where she feels her heart fall out of rhythm and flutter against her chest, and then Riley bends down and presses her lips against Maya's.

Maya gasps into Riley's mouth, and every part of Riley feels like she is on fire. It's nothing like the two other kisses she's shared with Lucas, or the sloppy one she shared with Farkle. It doesn't last only a second. It isn't just a quick peck. Riley's hands slip into Maya's hair, pulling her closer, and Maya's hands are on Riley's hips, brushing against her skin lightly and causing Riley to shiver. Riley has imagined what kissing Maya would be like, and it's always been nice. Sometimes funny. Once or twice, sexy. But nothing like this: like touching each other is more natural than not touching, like they should have always been doing this.

They pull apart enough to catch their breath, and Riley knows _that_ was her first real kiss. Her first grown up kiss. Maya's tongue was in her mouth at one point. “Wow,” Riley sighs.

“Yeah, wow covers it,” Maya laughs. They're silent for a moment, foreheads pressed together. “So, you mentioned a date?” Maya asks with a small grin.

Riley bounces on her toes, knocking her forehead into Maya's. “Yes, ouch. Sorry.”

“I'm used to it,” Maya grins. “You're kind of a spaz.”

“Maya!”

Maya grins at Riley and laces their fingers together shyly. “It's one of my favorite things about you.”

“Really?”

Maya nods. Riley swings their hands back and forth a little, and accidentally knocks them into a desk. They both wince.

“That was intentional. Totally intentional. It was very, I meant to do that.”

“Sure ya did honey.”

…

…

Riley drags Maya home and announces at top volume that Maya said yes, and they're best friends _and_ girlfriends now. Auggie looks up from his coloring book and says, “That's not anything new. I told Dad you were gonna marry each other a long time ago.”

Maya goes bright pink and squeezes Riley's hand a little too tightly. Then immediately drops it when Cory, Shawn, and Topanga come into the living room.

“Uncle Shawn!” Riley says happily, “Maya is my girlfriend!”

“Really?” he asks, very surprised. He crosses his arms in front of his chest, and turns towards Cory. Riley watches Maya shuffle uncomfortably and stare at the floor beside her. She knows how much Shawn's approval means to Maya. She'll kill him with her bare hands if he makes Maya sad. She makes sure to convey this to him with a strong glare. Uncle Shawn and her father communicate silently, then Shawn walks over to stand in front of Riley and Maya. “So, dating?”

“Yep,” Riley declares happily. “Dating. And kissing. We've already done that part, and it was great. The first date is happening later. But it will _also_ be great.”

“ _Riley,”_ Maya hisses in embarrassment.

“It was _great_ Maya,” Riley says sincerely. “So great, that I think that everyone should know about it.”

“Ew,” Auggie says from the couch. “Mom and Dad aren't allowed to kiss in front of me. Neither are you two.”

Riley can hear her parents laughing behind Uncle Shawn. Before anyone can say add further comment, the front door opens and Katy Hart steps into the apartment. Maya whines and tries to hide herself behind Riley. Riley grins, patting Maya's head where her face is pressed into the back of her shoulder.

“Hello,” Katy says to the room, a little confused. “What's going on?”

“The girls are dating,” Topanga informs her. “And apparently, they've already shared a _great_ kiss.”

Katy whips around to face Maya and Riley. “She said yes! Exactly how great a kiss?”

“I got tingly everywhere,” Riley says matter-of-factly. “I think we're gonna do it a lot.” Maya makes a strangled noise into Riley's back and smacks her arm.

Katy is trying to hide her grin and look serious, but it's not working. None of the adults are succeeding at looking serious, apart from Shawn. He towers over them and moves his face down next to Riley's shoulder until Maya peaks out from behind it. “You're dating my niece,” he states calmly. Maya looks ready to run out of the room, but she grips Riley's arm tightly and nods. Shawn moves his face up and directly in front of Riley. “You're dating my... Maya,” he says. Riley beams at him.

“I am. I am dating your Maya,” she knocks her head down next to Maya's. “Did you hear that?” she whispers. “He called you his Maya! Today is so great.”

Maya grins weakly back at her.

Cory clears his throat and both girls straighten and turn to look at him. “Shawnie,” he waves his hand dramatically at Riley and Maya, “continue please.”

Topanga rolls her eyes and loops her arm with Katy's, pulling her towards the kitchen. “Congratulations girls,” she says warmly.

“We're very happy for you,” Katy adds, making sure Maya makes eye contact with her. “The date Riley and I planned is going to be adorable. I had quite a bit of input. Otherwise, there would have been a few too many rainbow themed things.”

“You can't have too many rainbow themed things,” Riley argues. “Rainbows are amazing.”

Katy just smiles at her, then, both women ignore the rest of the proceedings and start making themselves coffee.

Cory walks over beside Shawn and crosses his arms too. Both men stare down at the girls. Maya looks like she wants to hide her face in Riley's back again, but she holds their gaze bravely instead. Riley's very proud of her.

“We have rules,” Cory says, not looking particularly stern or serious in the slightest.

“Many rules,” Shawn adds.

“Not so many,” Cory says to Shawn.

“A few _very important_ rules,” Shawn amends. Cory nods in approval.

“You,” Shawn points at Maya, “don't break my niece's heart,” his finger remains pointed at Maya's face.

Cory nods enthusiastically. “There will be no breaking of my daughter's heart,” he adds his own finger beside Shawn's. Maya deflates a little against Riley, but she nods like she was expecting this.

“And _you,_ ” Cory rounds on Riley, finger inches away from her nose. “Don't break my favorite student, and Shawn's Maya's heart,” he frowns, turning towards Shawn, and whispers. “Was that too convoluted?”

“Maybe a little,” Shawn whispers back.

“We can hear you,” Riley informs them.

“Well we could hear _you_ a few minutes ago too!” Cory whispers towards Riley. He clears his throat and speaks at a normal volume. “You! Don't break my daughter's best friend's heart!” he frowns. “Nope. Wait, she was _my_ Maya before she was your Maya, Shawnie!” he snaps his fingers happily and jumps up and down. “Aha!” he sticks his finger back in front of Riley's face. “Don't break my Maya's heart young lady!”

“You've got to scare her, not grin like an idiot,” Shawn says with a sigh. Maya is grinning bigger than Riley has ever seen her before. She's desperately trying to hide it. Shawn can't help but grin right back at her before he twists his face to attempt something resembling stern. “Yes,” he says to Riley, his finger also in front of her face. “There will be no breaking of Maya's heart, who is also mine as well as Cory's.”

“I find men claiming my daughter to be a little creepy,” Katy calls out from the kitchen table. “Just, for the record. I literally grew her inside of me. So, I'm the only one who could lay any sort of claim to her.” Before Maya can sink to the floor in embarrassment, Katy smiles into her coffee and adds, “but she's a human being. So, none of you can claim her as yours.”

“What about me?” Riley asks.

“If Maya wants,” Katy says with a dismissive wave, turning back to her conversation with Topanga.

Cory and Shawn both turn to Maya. “Do you want?” Cory asks her, suddenly soft.

Maya can't help looking at Riley. Riley gives her a goofy grin and puffs her cheeks out. Maya stifles a laugh before smiling back at Cory and Shawn. “Yes,” she says simply.

Cory goes completely mushy and hugs them both too tightly. “I will be randomly bursting into Riley's bedroom without notice,” he declares. “Come on Shawnie.”

Riley turns to Maya once the two of them are left alone. “That was harrowing,” Maya says. 

“Harrowing is a big word.”

“I know. I looked it up specifically for this.”

“When?”

“On my phone on the way over here.”

Riley gives Maya a spectacular grin. “My girlfriend knows big words sometimes.”

Maya beams back at her. “My girlfriend's a spaz.”

“Well, sounds like true love to me,” Riley jokes, lacing their fingers together and swinging their arms. It doesn't feel like a joke. It feels monumental. She stands silently beside Maya and breathes.

“Yeah,” the corners of Maya's mouth lift up slowly until she's grinning at Riley. “It does.”

The world beneath Riley is solid and steady. She isn't wobbling in the slightest. She is a thing unmoved. She knows exactly who she is: Riley Matthews, Maya Hart's best friend and girlfriend. Goofball. Spaz. Kindhearted, and terrible and lying. She twirls when she's happy.

Tomorrow, she's going to go on the most perfect of all dates in the history of dating. Because it'll be with her best friend. And she'll be wearing a spectacular rainbow dress.

Riley has no idea exactly who she will grow up to be. But she knows that Maya will be there. And that there will be more kissing in their future. (Lots and lots of it.) She may not know all the Big Truths in the world, but right now, she feels so happy she might burst, so, she grabs Maya and starts twirling.

 


End file.
